Well, it’s 2009. Three more days and the two-week holiday vacation will be officially over. I’m already dreading all the tasks that await me at the office. [insert sad face here]

Pardon me for sounding like a pessimist, but lately I think I’ve become one. The past three weeks for me have been kinda hard. You know how I always say that I’m a sleepyhead? Well, I still am. Once asleep, I could stay still for hours. The only difference nowadays is when it’s time for bed, I can’t get myself to fall asleep. The reason is simple really, I am worrying about a lot of things that it’s keeping me up.

Most of the time, though, my mind is free of these things that worry me. But when those moments suddenly come, my mind runs uncontrollably and my heart beats so fast that I feel like it’s going to burst inside my chest. Like I literally want to shake my head to get these thoughts off my mind.

They say that it’s trials, problems (or whatever you want to call them) like this that makes one person feel more “alive”. Because if everything’s fine and dandy, it’s like you’re living your life caught in your very own fairy tale world where nothing could go wrong. It’s like a plot with no inciting point, climax, resolutions, nor lessons to be learned. I believe there’s a truth behind this logic. But if feeling alive only makes me realize how weak, scared and immature I really am despite how others perceive me, and that there are no quick steps to emotional recovery, then it seems that the fairy tale thing is in fact the option that makes more sense between the two. Yet one does not really have the power to choose, does he?

I was glad to say goodbye to 2008 last night. 2008 for me began nicely, but ended not quite right. The new year, on the other hand, symbolizes hope — at least there’s that to look forward to.

It’s 3:30am right now and I only had 4 hours of sleep yesterday, yet I still can’t coerce my body to drift off to la-la land, to a place where my mind is free of these thoughts. Oh how I hate my state right now.

Anyway, Happy New Year to one and all! May your 2009 be better than mine, and may this blog post not let you down. Hee. :)

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I’ve attended many weddings in the past, but only a few were successful in getting me all mushy as a Hallmark valentine. And Liz and Randell’s wedding last December 11 at Archbishop’s Palace is one of those few.

I love the church where they got married because it’s small, which made the wedding ceremony more solemn and sentimental, as opposed to those big churches that make everyone seem far away from each other.  While Mae and I were taking pictures of the couple, we can’t help but say “Awww” and imagine our own weddings someday. Hee. Their love for each other is inspiring.

Thank you, Liz, for inviting us to your wedding! Riz, Mae and I are so happy for you. Here’s to a lifetime of happiness for you and Randell! Stay in love. ♥

More photos here.

Trust is a delicate thing. Once it gets broken, it’s so hard to put the pieces back together again. One representation is dining at a new restaurant for the first time with zero expectations. Once you discover that the food is bad, there’s a good chance you will never go back there again. They normally only get one opportunity to prove their worth.

I wonder, is it possible for a person to love another who is close to him or her, but not to trust anymore?

For instance, I love my Dad and would do anything for him. But I can never trust him with money again. There’s a long story behind this statement — don’t worry, I won’t bore you with it. Let’s just say that when Dad gets a hold of some cash, Dad deposits it straight into the Casino. And Dad can’t be stopped!

I also have this friend that I’ve known for six years. One time, he borrowed money from me and he promised to pay me back immediately. Now it’s two years later and every time I ask him about it, he tells me that I really don’t need the money so why am I pressuring him to pay up? Then a few months ago, he bugged me to lend him some cash again. He said he’ll just return it after two weeks. Of course I’ve already learned my lesson, so I told him no. I love that friend of mine and I still enjoy hanging out with him, but I will never trust him again. Especially since he has also done this to two of my friends.

These two scenarios just happened to involve “money”, but the catalysts for failing someone’s trust could be anything: infidelity in a relationship, dishonesty between a parent and a child, betrayal between friends, slandering at the work place to get ahead, spreading gossips at church or school, deceit by an establishment or company to cause consumers to believe what is false, fraudulent behavior of an agent toward a client, false hopes given by an employer to an employee, and more.

So going back to my question, is it possible for a person to love another who is close to him or her, but not to trust anymore? I think it is. I love so many people close to me but not all of them I can trust.